reality and perception

Okay lol so this video reminded me of the matrix which a select few of people think is actually reality. The whole premise of the video is that our perception of reality is stored as discrete information blocks that overlap and are subject to the laws of physics. I have a hard time believing this. I wish I knew more about it and physics to explain this better. Time is relative. That has been proven, so no denying that but our consciousness perceives our reality as it is, ie our world, just like everyone else does. Memories can’t be switching between time because of our life as humans, and the growth of the world around is changing, and those moments in the past that were fluid then because we were living them, are stagnant now and stored as a select few neurons firing. It’s a recall process when we try and retrieve memories. When there’s dysfunction with the hippocampus and the amygdala where memories are stored we get chagras syndrome and other dementias. There’s a physical explanation for that. Obviously we are conscious beings and it’s relayed as a bunch of neurons firing, but there’s more to that.
The question of souls, and then the afterlife comes into question.
So idk you know, reality is obviously what you perceive right, BUT the question is: are you perceiving the truth? that hasn’t been answered, and that’s where all these theories and biocentrism comes into play. All in all, I’m totally undecided.


the memory of sweet, sweet release obliterates my mind

tendrils of seductive emotions twist and entwine up around my will

flexin’ and bendin’ it towards that devious little monster on my shoulder

succumb to me

it orders



the weather inside me


I feel the grey, listless clouds clearing slowly.

Light, bright, full of delight bubbling through. Can’t be contained. That glow suffusing you inside out, akin to happiness, warming you down to your tippy toes.

Rainy murky gloomy days are a necessary evil but the sunshine that filters through the partition afterwards is heavenly.


I’m trying to describe that feeling when you just give yourself up to the music.

Have you experienced that?

When that specific song comes on; the melody triggering memories of another time. Closed eyes, you let your inhibitions and self-consciousness melt away to immerse yourself into the flow and darkness of the music. Vibrations in the air, surging through your body, hands, and fingertips.  Surrounding strangers on their own trip would only see the peace wash over my face, lips mouthing the lyrics, good vibes radiating from my movements.

I’m lit from within. Stillness in the chaos. High notes, low notes, verse, bridge, and climax.


When Idc.

There’s days when I don’t feel good. Everything could be going well, and my life is on track. School’s going well, I have supportive friends, family that gives a f, and thus i should have no complaints right? But, no. There’s days like today where IDC.

I’m mentally and emotionally just not feeling good and there’s no particular reason for it. That’s the shitty part. When there’s a problem, you can identify it and thus create a solution and execute. I have so much anxiety right now about things and people and situations that on any other given day I wouldn’t think twice about. I’ve been up since 3 am, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t go to work, don’t want to answer txts and calls. That’s the worst actually. Not checking your phone, but the anxiety building when you don’t check.

It’s a cycle definitely and I’ve become better at breaking myself out of it. But it exists.


Learning to love yourself is like an experimental study where the controls are constantly altered due to life. It could be double blind because we are both subject and experimenter and we are constantly changing with an unforeseeable future.

We are never stagnant. Isn’t that mind-blowing when you really think about it? It sets us apart, that ability to keep developing mentally. That’s why trials and errors and accidental discoveries are the substance of growth. So like Ms. Frizzle used to say, “Take chances, make mistake, get messy!” You will definitely learn something new about yourself!


It’s my resilience that I stay hopeful
I’m fine
my mantra until it is true
reflecting inwards, its a mess
tangled ties, twisted and torn
how will you weave through this forest
bring your sword and slay through my demons
I’ll be waiting for you on the other side
with faith, with love, with honesty, and respect
all i offer with no expectations in return


Hope is a subtle happiness. Fleeting, and fickle, you have to grasp on tightly to its construct which unfortunately is so tightly woven into expectation and unrealistic futures. At its core it is positivity; however, humans have a tendency to dramatize their hopes and dreams. I agree it is better to dream big than to not dream at all, but small battles that are won day to day influence the bigger picture and reroute to an entirely different destination sometimes that maybe would never have been explored. Thus, it is necessary to hope, but also equally  necessary to be flexible in that process.


tiny beacons of light flaring up in the night sky

its the twilight hour, the bewitched time

stepping closer to your warmth, inhaling your scent, drowning in the depths of your eyes

dreamer that I am, can you guess what I’m wishing for?