feeling

Sadness is strange

it can creep up on you and sometimes it knocks you off your feet

most times it feels like a heavy weight

dulling your senses, your desires

obliterating your will

goals and dreams drain away

an incomplete indifference remaining

Listening to the same old sad songs

relating to the emotions of the music

crying is supposed to be cathartic

but I feel that it can be a gateway

to a realm of negative emotions and self-harm behaviors

happiness is so goddamn elusive

one minute you feel that high

no drug like it in the world

I’ve been chasing that high for my entire life

I want to be happy

I want love

hardest things to admit to yourself and to others because it sets you up for the biggest disappointments

orchestra

self-deprecating thoughts

swirling, gathering strength, multiplying on my naiveté

signal percussion to set the stage

winds chime in and strings finish last

soliloquies go unheard

blaring through my mind

a dynamic crescendo

the conductor, a wizard in her own right, flailing for the completion

higher and higher, louder and louder

 one giant arc of the wand

instant silence settles synonymously severing senseless sentiments

Self-love

Over the years I’ve realized that I give too much of myself whether it be to friends, family, work commitments, or educational pursuits. I’ve struggled in finding and maintaining a balance to have time to devote to myself; which in turn results me burning myself out. I know many of you can relate. I’ve learned the hard way the importance of making time to love yourself, having healthy personal outlets and hobbies, and fundamentally time to listen to yourself. This all leads to personal growth and happiness which will spill into the other aspects of your life and influence those relationships and commitments towards a positive light.

The health and beauty industries are interests of mine; leading me to invest in products (every girl loves a good face mask), experiences (spa days), and readings/videos. I love lighting rose candles (I swear I keep bath and body works in business), turning on a desi tune, mask on, and opening a good book.  It could be long drives blasting your fave music and singing along! Have your own concert, write down your thoughts, love yourself.

I’m making the gym into another healthy tool for me to combat the daily stresses and the kickboxing classes at Goodlife are the best! When the instructor pushes you to keep striking and hold out that last minute, I’m thinking about that guy who cut me off, upsetting moments with friends, family stresses, and all those other little moments that get you to 0-100 and releasing it out and away from within me. The resentment, frustration, sadness and all those other negative emotions being channeled out leave you feeling uplifting and so much more clearer mentally. Trust me!

I believe that you should regularly stop, think, ask yourself, “What makes you happy? When is the last time you did that? Why don’t you do it right now?”

Life gets busy, I know, it’s so easy to procrastinate and say we’ll do it tomorrow, and just as easily tomorrow turns into later, and eventually it leads to a buildup of negative energy which isn’t released. Mental health is important; make the time to love yourself. 🙂

A Good Place

Self-growth is a flashlight finally zapping to life, shedding light on the darker corners of your mind.

Past unforeseeable possibilities open up, and you’re just like, “Why did I do that to myself?” We definitely need a “That was Easy” button in real life that you can hit when you have those “aha” moments.

Mental clarity is of utmost importance because it allows rational, sane decisions that open the pathway to happiness. If you’re a caffeine fiend, think of it as that first sip of that delicious dark liquid hitting your system, surging energy, light, joy; a whole burst of emotions followed by a sigh of relief. That’s life right now and I’m loving it.

-GG

stars

I want to dance with someone in the sunrise in the early mornings, jump into bed and play our favorite games, sleep secure in each other’s embrace, happiness radiating out of every single pore, I love. Walks in the rain, adventures late at night, traveling together city through city, road trips with the radio on blast singing our songs off-key. I want to look over into the depths of your eyes and see the stars. Growing old wouldn’t seem so bad with you. Full house, cooking in the kitchen, laughter ringing in the house, children making too much noise, I would not be content, I would be overjoyed. Feeling your arms around me, I can close my eyes and just let go. The fears, the insecurities, the feelings of disappointing would drop away. A timeless love song is how I want us to be remembered.

storm

Screaming on the inside but I’m as quiet as a mouse, that awful lump in my throat, I can’t swallow, tears welling up, you make me unhappy and my anxiety returns like a crashing storm. I’m going to be swept away with no anchor.

discovering love

Finding love, the lasting forever happily ever after kind is impossible because it finds you. It’s true when they say good things, good people, happen only when you least expect it, you just have to be open to the possibilities and being vulnerable like that is a difficult task in itself.

Love hurts, but its an absolutely amazing emotion unlike no other, and blessed are the ones that have found their partners in crime. So, if you’re reading this and you’re looking, stop. Focus on yourself, be in love with yourself, and trust me, your world will change fam.

-GG

 

Purity & Caste

Purity rituals exist religion wide from baptism in Catholicism to Mikvah in Judaism and Amrit Sanchar in Sikhism. This idea of water as a cleansing factor to represent washing away sins of the mind, body, and soul and to emerge anew is repetitive in religion and understandable. The simple act of bathing oneself is a physical visualization of dirt and dust being swept away so the analogy isn’t very hard to comprehend. Therefore, making this association relatively straightforward.

However, relationships between purity and caste and virginal status I personally am not in accordance with; albeit also are very apparent in multiple religions. These are common themes that go hand in hand, rooted with time, and the perpetuance of tradition and culture. The hierarchal stratification among society is nothing new as it is immediately established with any group of individuals. However, the ideation that one caste is more pure than the other is nonsense in my opinon. Take Hinduism for example; there are 4 varnas where Brahmins, the pure ones, reside at the top and Shudras are the bottom-feeders. Their role was to serve and to be compliant with access restricted to streets and temples as even their shadow was thought to be impure.

TBC

-GG

reality and perception

Okay lol so this video reminded me of the matrix which a select few of people think is actually reality. The whole premise of the video is that our perception of reality is stored as discrete information blocks that overlap and are subject to the laws of physics. I have a hard time believing this. I wish I knew more about it and physics to explain this better. Time is relative. That has been proven, so no denying that but our consciousness perceives our reality as it is, ie our world, just like everyone else does. Memories can’t be switching between time because of our life as humans, and the growth of the world around is changing, and those moments in the past that were fluid then because we were living them, are stagnant now and stored as a select few neurons firing. It’s a recall process when we try and retrieve memories. When there’s dysfunction with the hippocampus and the amygdala where memories are stored we get chagras syndrome and other dementias. There’s a physical explanation for that. Obviously we are conscious beings and it’s relayed as a bunch of neurons firing, but there’s more to that.

The question of souls, and then the afterlife comes into question.

So idk you know, reality is obviously what you perceive right, BUT the question is: are you perceiving the truth? that hasn’t been answered, and that’s where all these theories and biocentrism comes into play. All in all, I’m totally undecided.

-GG

the weather inside me

 

I feel the grey, listless clouds clearing slowly.

Light, bright, full of delight bubbling through. Can’t be contained. That glow suffusing you inside out, akin to happiness, warming you down to your tippy toes.

Rainy murky gloomy days are a necessary evil but the sunshine that filters through the partition afterwards is heavenly.